1. INTRODUCTION

The Young Israel of Scarsdale hopes to contribute toward making your child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah a memorable, meaningful and enriching experience. We recognize that a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is one of the most important dates in one's life and comes at a crucial period of one's growth and development. Your child earnestly seeks to discover a way of life and begins forming an ideology that will make life purposeful. It is during these years that principles become crystallized and become permanent parts of the future individual. Your child's personality, self-image, value system, and relationship to Judaism are, therefore, in the balance. As your child assumes this formidable transition into adolescence and adulthood, new and challenging responsibilities will be faced. This transition is marked by a change in attitude of the child to self and to parents; a transition more difficult than adulthood for the child and more exasperating for the parents.

As the child's metamorphosis advances, the parents may reevaluate their role as parents and their relationship to their child. It is an event as important in the life of the parents as it is to their son or daughter. A good deal of patience, wisdom, and guidance will be required at such a sensitive period of growth and religious training. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah only lends expression to beginning this process and setting in motion the necessary steps leading toward Jewish adulthood.

Judaism teaches the unique value of each individual, and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah experience tells the child: "You are important. What you do matters. We care. We hope you will be an asset to yourself, your family, your Synagogue, and the Jewish people." It is a joy shared by the entire community as well, for it represents the continuity of our tradition, our heritage, and our ideals.

This manual is designed to assist you in your Bar/Bat Mitzvah plans and explain procedures and standards at the Young Israel of Scarsdale. Our Synagogue sincerely wants to enhance the dignity and meaning of this occasion for all involved, and stands ready to assist you. BACK TO TOP

2. BAR/BAT MITZVAH TRAINING & PREPARATION

Bar/Bat Mitzvah represents the entrance into Jewish adulthood and religious responsibility. We, at the Young Israel of Scarsdale, want to see your child enjoy those rights and privileges that Judaism renders and to see your child properly prepared for assuming important roles within the Synagogue and the Jewish Community. We also take pride in the standard of our Synagogue goals and expect Bar/Bat Mitzvah candidates to meet our high standards. It is, therefore, important that your child be properly instructed and oriented to the duties and obligations of Judaism, and the standard of Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremonies at our synagogue.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah candidates are required to attend Shabbat services regularly with their family. Regular Synagogue attendance will not only ensure awareness with Synagogue procedures and familiarity with the ritual, but will demonstrate the family's seriousness in preparing for the moment.

3. TUTORS

The Rabbi is prepared to meet with you to discuss the synagogue's standards and expectations, as well as your child's tutorial needs, the available selection of tutors and a time frame of studies.

Preparations should begin a year in advance of the event.

4. BAR/ BAT MITZVAH CLASS

The Synagogue conducts a monthly class with the Rabbi to engage the students in focusing on their responsibilities as young Jewish adults. The class brings students together from all the schools in a forum of fraternity and study. The orientation provided goes beyond the ability to conduct services and chant the Torah. It seeks to provide a knowledgeable awareness of the cycle of Jewish life, Jewish texts, thought and law, coupled with special projects accentuating cognitive training, Jewish ritual, Jewish history, and peoplehood.

Through study sessions, workshops, and sometimes films and research projects, students will enter a challenging domain of multifaceted learning. Parents will be invited to participate in parts of the program to share some of the experiences and to help realize our very important educational objectives.

The fee for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah class is $300.00. An application to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah program is attached to the manual.

5. SETTING A DATE

The Synagogue attempts to be as equitable as possible in arranging Bar/Bat Mitzvah dates, and will try to accommodate the family's preferences.

Four criteria must be fulfilled to confirm reservation of dates and usage of facilities:

1. The family must meet with the Rabbi to ascertain the Hebrew date of birth and projected Bar/Bat Mitzvah date.

2. The educational preparation, religious ceremony and celebration must conform to the standards of the Young Israel of Scarsdale.

3. An agreement for usage of the synagogue's facilities must be processed in advance with a caterer approved by the Kashrut - Catering Committee. An application is available in the Synagogue office.

4. The family must be a member in good standing with full payment of dues and arrears.

PLEASE NOTE:
The application requires that you obtain the signatures of the Rabbi, Treasurer, and President. Only after you have submitted to the Office Manager a complete application with all signatures will you receive a letter of approval. To avoid the possibility of a misunderstanding, please be advised that without an approval letter, there is no reserved or confirmed date and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah will not be able to take place.

The Rabbi's schedule and the programmatic calendar of the Synagogue are generally set in advance. To assure the Rabbi's attendance at your simha and party, or to prevent a conflict with another family's simha, please make your date selection early and notify the Synagogue office.

It is also important to note that should a birth or aufruf occur, your simcha will be shared with another family.

6. USE OF SYNAGOGUE FACILITIES

Should your affair not take place on a Shabbat morning, the facilities must be rented. A separate contract for the rental of the Synagogue's facilities together with a schedule of fees may be obtained in the Synagogue office. A non-refundable $500 deposit must accompany the contract before it will be signed on behalf of the Synagogue. Private luncheons after Kiddush on Shabbat also require a signed contract and non-refundable $500 deposit for the rental of facilities.

Any decoration of the Social Hall or flower arrangements in the Sanctuary should be cleared with the office. The family arranging for use of the Synagogue facilities is responsible for any damage done to Synagogue property by its guests, caterer, florist or their employees, and agrees to reimburse the Synagogue for any damage sustained.

7. INVITATIONS

Printers usually suggest a standard text. You are, of course, free to word that text to suit your taste. We think, however, that you should consider the following:

1. Your invitation should emphasize the Synagogue service or the ceremony.

2. The use of the traditional phrase, "Kiddush Luncheon", "Kiddush", or "Seudat Mitzvah" following services is most appropriate since it emphasizes the religious nature of the collation.

3. The inclusion of a Hebrew text underscores the religious and cultural significance of the occasion and adds a sense of historical continuity.

4. We recommend that invitations include cards acquainting guests of our religious standards and rituals, if they are unfamiliar with our Synagogue.

The Rabbi is available to consult with you should you require any assistance in the wording of the invitation or Hebrew text.

8. KIDDUSH AND CATERER

It is traditional for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah family to provide a Kiddush after services. Arrangements for Kiddush are to be made by calling the Synagogue office. If you plan to engage a caterer, we ask that you consult with the Kashrut Catering Committee, and the Rabbi.

The Kiddush or meal following services or the ceremony should be regarded as a "Seudah Shel Mitzvah", an integral part of the religious ceremony, and should be in keeping with the spirit and sanctity of the event and planned accordingly. The recitation of Kiddush and/or "Hamotzi" should commence the collation, with "Birkat Hamazon" (Grace after Meals) chanted when appropriate. The family will want to make "Birkat Hamazon" booklets available.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah functions outside the Synagogue should reflect the Synagogue's standards of sanctity, propriety, and Kashrut.

9. HONORS & ALIYOT

A few weeks before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, contact the Gabbaim to set up a meeting to discuss allocation of honors available to family and friends during services. The Gabbaim will help you distribute the Aliyot - Honors and collect the necessary Hebrew names. The committee will be happy to provide you with copies of the Torah blessings to avoid any embarrassment to your guests or affront to the congregation. It is essential that the people you are honoring come to services on time and that you confirm their arrival. We also suggest that you prepare alternates should an honoree not arrive on time.

Please remember that aliyot will also be offered to other congregants for an aufruf or birth.

10. THE DAY OF SERVICES

In order to maintain the dignity and decorum of the service, it is requested that your guests be apprised of the nature of our Synagogue's religious expression and observances. In order to prevent any embarrassment, you should inform your guests of the proper attire conforming to the sanctity of the Synagogue as well as explain our standard of Shabbat observance. Guests should not, for example, carry purses or gifts into the Synagogue. Ushers will assist your guests with a Tallis and Siddur and direct them, when required, to their seats.

(When a Bar/Bat Mitzvah takes place during the week, we ask that you encourage your guests to bring Tefillin).

It is the responsibility of the family to provide Kippot and head coverings for their guests.

We know the excitement of the day will tax your concentration on the service. We, therefore, urge you and your guests to come to services early and once services begin to refrain from greeting your guests. We encourage you to embrace the sanctity of the moment, and contemplate the deep meaning of the day. We, therefore, urge the father to sit on the Bimah so that he may focus on the child. Your presence in the Synagogue with your child conducting services reflects the continuity of our tradition. While our Bat Mitzvah ceremony differs from our service in content and form, we consider it a religious ceremony, and maintain a similar standard of reverence and decorum.

11. D'VAR TORAH

Our Synagogue encourages the presentation of a serious D'var Torah from the pulpit at services. This is an honor that we provide to demonstrate the student's commitment to the Torah and proficiency in a particular Torah topic. The student does have the option of presenting the D'var Torah at the actual simcha - party.

A few months before the simha, preparations should be made for the research, writing and rehearsal of the D'var Torah. Give careful thought to choosing a teacher or tutor to work with your child on this project. The Rabbi has prepared a specific manual for the writing of a D'var Torah to assist you, the tutor and your child in developing a theme, conducting research and composing the D'var Torah. We urge you to obtain a copy from the office.

The Bar/Bat Mitzvah's D'var Torah must be cleared with the Rabbi in advance. The Bar Mitzvah's D'var Torah at services must not exceed 5 minutes in deference to the Synagogue's schedule of services.

12. BAT MITZVAH CEREMONIES

We take pride in the education of our Bat Mitzvah students and in marking their religious maturity. The occasion is very much celebrated at our Synagogue and is expressed in a variety of ceremonies. Parents planning a Bat Mitzvah ceremony are urged to speak with the Rabbi to assure that their expectations for the ceremony conform to the standards of the Synagogue.

13. POSTSCRIPT

Your child's attitude toward becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is most often a reflection of your attitude toward that important event. His or her eagerness, excitement and nervousness are directly related to your conduct. The relative value which your son or daughter places on the religious element of the event is to a large degree a reflection of your values.

As we are eager that this day may, indeed, be a milestone in your child's life, we offer the following closing comments and suggestions:

1. Preparing to become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is not an easy matter. Your child assumes added work and responsibilities; and you, as parents, also assume more work and greater responsibilities. Many arrangements and difficult decisions have to be made. Accept the preparations cheerfully. The manner in which you pursue your planning affects everyone, especially the Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebrant.

2. Include your child in all planning of the "Simcha". Include his/her concerns. It is, after all, a family affair, and your child's celebration.

3. Preparation for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah day begins well in advance of the day. Our manual hopes to offer you guidance in making proper arrangements. Even as you make these preparations, so should Jewish observances and ritual be emphasized or introduced at home. Tefillin, for example should be more than a casual acquisition. Great care and much attention should go into procuring a good pair of Tefillin with the child observing the importance the family places on its usage. The extent to which the family exhibits a thoughtful practice and study of Judaism at this time determines the meaningfulness of the event, and provides valuable inspiration for the future.

4. As gifts arrive, it would be a thoughtful gesture for your child to consider those who do not have the same benefits. Discuss the Jewish concepts of Tzedakah - Charity, and encourage your child to make a "Nidavah" an offering of thanksgiving - to an orphanage or educational institution. A personal letter from your child might be included explaining the purpose of the contribution. It is fitting that you, too, express your gratitude by contributing to charity. A contribution to the Synagogue would also be most appropriate.